Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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