I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I need a burrito and a hug.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize