For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have post one night stand depression
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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