FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
honey bunches of taint.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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