Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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