i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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