Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
