So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
