you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
