They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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