and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My vagina just clenched in fear
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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