i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
