You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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