I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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