My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
