just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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