Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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