drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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