I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
