He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
