I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
