In the future we'll all be gay
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
