I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
