Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
