Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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