Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
