i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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