went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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