I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
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I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.