Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
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Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
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Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.