When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.