he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?