Who wears a wallet chain?!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
