what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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