Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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