I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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