I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
