It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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