I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You can't special order awesome
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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