saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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