We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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