So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
