The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.