remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
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You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!