Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".