okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
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Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.