I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.