So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists