so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
