I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
