remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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