At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
