Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
