If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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