Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
