a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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