I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
