I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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