people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My ATM looks so different sober.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
