why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
