even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
