I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
