ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
