Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
