Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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