Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
