Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
