I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
