matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize