someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
